Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
