I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize