you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize