hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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