We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
