from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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