and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
