jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Screwed.edu
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
