can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Green mimosas i think yes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
