FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize