shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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