Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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