Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
