if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
