apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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