you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize