Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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