We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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