idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
