24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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