is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
