Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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