Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
