well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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