I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
