Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
