Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
