we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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