oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
