I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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