She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
