The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
