He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
