well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
