I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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