Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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