it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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