So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
