her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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