One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This toilet bowl is my home.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
