My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
