3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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