Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
