I think I died a long time ago.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
