You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
NoShamevember. You game?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
