lets start a swedish sibling band together
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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