Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
