Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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