i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We are two peas in an std pod
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
