ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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