my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
