....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize