Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
as a side note pls kill me
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