It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
