Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
