Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
