I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize