I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
