I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
