He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
