As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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