This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
