omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
