I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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