I am puke
Apparently you make a good broom.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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