After last night, I could never be a politician.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
