i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
