I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
