Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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