I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
