you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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