I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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